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Talk:Practivistas Chiapas improved cookstoves
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== Comments - Zach == General: Good job, tons of information. I like the references to your sources, very well done. This page is very thorough and I am impressed. I made a number of small edits to help coherence via sentence structure, without changing the meaning of any sentences. You can check these by looking at the page history. Also I edited some small formatting issues for you, which you can check in the history if you are curious. <br>In general, I would consider cutting some things out so that the parts that you would like to emphasise the most are represented the most. Read through the paragraphs out loud or to a friend to see if the wording is the way that best expresses your thoughts. Also, there are some paragraphs that are really long, in general paragraphs should not be over 5 sentences with out a break. This helps people´s brains to break up the information into manageable chunks, and it helps you stay focused and consice in your langauge. The purpose of paragraps are to group sentences together around a common theme I edited the Background section to this effect as an example. Spell check is your friend. There are some small spelling mistakes. Also check for mistakes in non-spellcheck words ie Majomut (not sure if i spelled that right-but you have differing versions of the spelling on your page). Some of your references could use fixing. I´m glad you have them, though ; ) <br> Project scope section - You said in your surveys it wasnt´t found to affect the flavor of traditional meals, please explain these surveys since it is the first time you mention them, or provide an internal in text link to the Survey section. Very well written otherwise. Survey section - When it comes to survey analysis, numbers are important for statistical signifigance. Please give number of surveys, number of questions, and if possible the actual questions, method of delivery, etc. Transparency is what we are striving for. You found good info, however, you are reporting the results as your own facts instead of as testimony by the indigenous women that you questioned. While they may be completely true, remember you are trying to represent the women, not just what they said, so be clear that they said these things. Criteria section - I would sort the Rankings by number, ie 10 on top, then the 9s etc. This makes your priorities clear. <br> Patsari and Lorena sections - Please include pics here of each, so we all know what you are talking about and can associate it with an image. Un-bold the criticism part, '''unless you are really trying to emphasize it beyond everything else on the page. In computer land it sounds like you are raising your voice'''. (Which I don´t believe you mean to be doing.) Materials and tools section - Figure out those question marks : ) <br> Over all comments - Wow, amazing amount of work you guys have done. I would read through it all and make sure you are saying exactly what you are meaning to say. Obviously there are some formatting and completion issues that you will fill out as you finish the project. You are on the right track, keep up the good work and let me know if you have any questions. And as Lonny has explained in class, as you flesh out your page, the lit review section will gradually be absorbed into your footnotes until it disapears. Do not have fear of deleting the references that you don´t end up needing. As I recall, Lonny stated that the more you delete in the end the better. Keep up the awesome work. Zach <br> <br> --[[User:Evolution number 9|Z Estela]] 00:35, 1 August 2010 (UTC)
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