Literature Review comments[edit source]
Nice formatting. More information and book sources needed. In addition, make sure to put the image link and rights (e.g. Creative Commons Share Alike and By Attribution) on the actual image page.
In electromagnetic force section: energy is not "produced" in the no-battery light, it is converted from kinetic to electrical.
Some other suggested topics:
- Building materials for windbelts
- Small scale power and energy basics
Thank you, --Lonny 19:37, 18 July 2010 (UTC)
Project Scope/Background Comments[edit source]
- client background- Maybe this section should follow the project description/scope section.
- Where is otros mundos based?
- how far reaching is their involvement? chiapas only?
- How long has otros mundos been active? add a link in this section to otros mundos' site.
- Wording is a little choppy in client background section. "hidden agendas" is too informal. also "social, political,
environmental, economic" alone do not constitute "crises". If you have pulled parts of this background from otros mundos' website add reference!
- change "their vision is simple" to "The vision statement for Otros Mundos is:"
- Choose a better image for otros mundos and improve image formatting.
- The introduction section is not needed.
- Nice objective statement, what is an energy cinch? be more formal.
- black box needs to be reformatted!
- add more detail about how this tool can help otros mundos.what are they powering? usb power supply
thingy? how long are they out in the field? is this a mobile tool?
--Jeff Hinton 00:44, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
Made numerous small grammar and syntactical changes, see history for more info. In addition, more meaningful changes or suggestions follow, by section:
Background on Client section
- Changed original sentence:
"Otros Mundos Chiapas is a non-profit, Mexican civil rights organization. It has no political or industrial ties, which allows the organization to serve the people of Mexico without hidden agendas. Otros Mundos backs up the search for alternative solutions to the following crises, that occur in contemporary capitalist society:"
"Otros Mundos Chiapas is a non-profit, civil rights organization based in Mexico. It has no political or industrial ties, which allows the organization to serve the people of Mexico without external pressure. Otros Mundos backs up the search for alternative solutions to the following crises that occur in contemporary capitalist societies:"
- Important changes- Changed 'without hidden agendas' to 'without external pressure' as this more neutrally reflects the situation at hand- which may or may not be subject to hidden agendas, but definitely may be subject to external pressures.
Background of Students
- Your team said: "...Windbelt works off of something known as aeroelastic flutter, or the vibration of a membrane pulled taught between two points. This phenomenon was first witnessed when the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was destroyed in 1940 by high winds." Really? First time? Wow. Maybe more correct would be to mention how the bridge inspired a meaningful understanding of AE flutter in the creator of Windbelt.
- You said "...creates an iris of motion that is used ..." What is an iris of motion, please explain, or simplify.
The problem formulation section introduces an objective statement, group background information, and a black box model, seen below
This confused my head. Maybe this section is uneccesary, as Appropedia automatically makes an index of your Headings.
Please give a caption to describe the 'black box' picture, & crop it to a reasonable size.
I created a 'Design' section for some of the parts of your lit review that required their own section- materials, building, etc. Nice tables by the way!
Windbelt TM, Aeroelastic Flutter
These sections are on the page twice. Pick which one is more appropriate, delete the other one.
You guys are doing great, keep it up, can't wait to see how your project turns out!!
--Z Estela 18:29, 23 July 2010 (UTC)