Main page
New page
Upload file
Help
Community portal
Recent changes
Talk
Contributions
Create account
Enable dark mode
Enable read mode
Log in
View history
What links here
Related changes
Page information
Editing
Talk:Practivistas Chiapas improved cookstoves
(section)
From Appropedia
Warning!
You are not logged in.
Log in
or
create an account
to have your edits attributed to your username rather than your IP, along with other benefits.
Anti-spam check. Do
not
fill this in!
== Project Background/Objective Feedback == Good start, just needs polishing and references! *reformat or remove image: "components de la esufa patsari" *background on otros mundos as an organization *provide link to otros mundos *there is a "they problem", improve pronoun selection. *First person is not preferred writing style, but it is acceptable if you want to continue with it *first sentence is a run-on, too many commas, im confused. *second sentence is not clear or grammatically correct. *omit the name of the community for the time being, per Lonny's instruction. *first sentence, second paragraph is awkward, maybe add a new sentence to convey the fact that the stove will be built in the home of a local resident. *second sentence, second paragraph: reword suggested "The stoves....", also, are you saying both of the stove designs achieve these benefits? do you have references for these assertions? *Third sentence, second paragraph: replace "they" pronouns. *Add background information about existing cooking fuels and their drawbacks. Reference any assertions about indoor air quality and respiratory problems. *Third paragraph: includes some good useful info that is perfect in a "background" paragraph. The personal tone of the paragraph doesn't work that well, the reasons for pursuing this project are good, can you present them differently? *I recommend an objecive statement...a single sentence which reads "The objective of this project is to....." *Provide a reference for ALL your assertations. --[[User:Jeff Hinton|Jeff Hinton]] 00:14, 19 July 2010 (UTC)
Summary:
Warning!
All contributions to Appropedia are released under the CC-BY-SA-4.0 license unless otherwise noted (see
Appropedia:Copyrights
for details). If you do not want your writing to be edited mercilessly and redistributed at will, then do not submit it here! You are also promising us that you wrote this yourself, or copied it from a public domain or similar free resource.
Do not submit copyrighted material without permission!
Cancel
Editing help
(opens in new window)
Cookies help us deliver our services. By using our services, you agree to our use of cookies.
OK