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Talk:HEIF Take Back the Tap

10,955 bytes added, 06:57, 5 November 2009
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<big>Peer Review: [[http://www.appropedia.org/User:Charles_Swanson Charles Swanson]</big><<br />
1. Who do you feel is the target audience for the writing in this document? Suggest a change if you think the writing is not appropriate for this audience.<br />
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-Good luck
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<big>End Peer Review: [http://www.appropedia.org/User:Charles_Swanson Charles Swanson]]</big>
14. List areas for improvement<br />
More photos would help the page. More in-depth information is needed. A lengthier page overall would help with the quality your trying to reach.<br /><br />
edit by [[user:ndb21|Nathan Braun]]    ==Peer Review-Logan Halstrom== [[user:Lhalstrom|Logan Halstrom]] '''1.Who do you feel is the target audience for the writing in this document? Suggest a change if you think the writing is not appropriate for this audience.''' The target audience seems to be anyone who is interested in TBTT. It is slightly specific to HSU students.  '''2.Is the information presented easy to navigate? Can you find the necessary information easily? How would you improve the layout?''' The headings separate the sections effectively. The bullets in the Structure section are somewhat tedious. The could be enhances with some bold text or by removing them altogether.  '''3.Are headings used successfully? Are enough headings used? If so, are they specific enough? Are the headings in logical order? If not, would the document be easier to follow with more headings? Level two headings? If so, suggest some headings.'''  The headings are use in a way that denotes information in an orderly way. The Structure heading could be modified to explicitly state what it describes the structure of, to be absolutely clear.  '''4.Is there a clear topic sentence for each paragraph? Do all following sentences relate to that topic sentence? How could topic sentences of the paragraphs be improved? Suggest improvements for specific paragraphs.''' All paragraphs have a topic sentence that states a clear idea which is followed by on-topic data.  '''5.Is the writing objective? Remember this is a technical communication. Make suggestions to avoid bias or opinion in sentences. (For example: eliminate adjectives/adverbs: very, many, large, etc)''' Most of the writing is easy for anyone to understand. AS could be clarified for someone who isn't familiar with HSU structure, and hydration stations could be more specifically defined.  '''6.Is each figure or photograph easy to understand? How could the figures be improved? Can you suggest another figure presents the information in a clearer manner?''' The figures bring important information to the page, but they could be used to a greater effect. Caption would help explain what the pictures are showing. I knew what the exhibit was because I had seen it in the Library, but a non-student might not. Also, two pictures of the same exhibit might not be necessary. The hydration station could be labeled, too.   '''7.Does the writer refer to the figure(s) in the text using figure numbers? Is each figure well described in the text and are the sources cited? Do the figures have captions? Make suggestions to better incorporate figures.''' There are not figure numbers and no specific references in the page. The sources are cited in the memo, so they will probably be added later. Figure captions would help to identify text with pictures. Another good picture to add would be the on-campus hydration stations.  '''8.If this is a RCEA page have the writers clearly presented the bottom line (predicted money and carbon dioxide emissions saved versus actual money and carbon dioxide emissions saved) in a table or graphical format? Suggest improvements to make this comparison easier for the reader to understand.''' Not RCEA.  '''9.Are there any questions you have about the topic that are not addressed? Are the sources of the information clearly presented under “References”?''' Any data on the results? Is that data even obtainable? Where are the hydration stations on campus and how do they work? I know you haven't met with the Coordinator yet so I hope you get some of this information from her.  '''10.Does the author provide links to related sites? Are there enough or too many? Are they technical enough or too technical for the audience of the document? Is the relevance of each site clear? Is there a summary of references?''' The links are helpful and on topic. They are informative, easy to read, and bring relevant information to the reader. The first link is slightly confusing due to its placement and might be placed on TBTT instead. Some links to add might be to information on SLAM Fest and other programs mentioned.  '''11.Is the document too long or short? (It should be between 2-3 pages). If it is too long, what should be taken out? If it is too short what remains to be addressed?''' The document is a little on the short side. The past and future events could all be elaborated on a little to increase the length of the page. Especially elaborate on the hydration stations; the link is helpful, but an in-page summary is more important to the reader.  '''12.Does the page have the “ENGR 115: In Progress” banner? Does the page have the correct categories (ENGR 115 and RCEA if applicable) at the end of page?''' Yes.  '''13.List the strengths of document''' This page has useful images and links. The links are related and worth checking out, as opposed to superfluous or irrelevant. The page also makes TBTT into an interesting subject.  '''14.List areas for improvement''' The page should be expanded. More details on each topic will lead for opportunities to add second level headings and other structural organization devices, increasing the length.  '''15.Overall comments''' You found a lot more projects involving TBTT than I was aware of and I am interested in knowing more details about them. I think that a background on the effects of bottles is a very effective idea. Perhaps you could also include ways to reduce bottled water usage. Overall, good job on making a topic that I thought was pretty simple a lot more detailed an interesting. [[user:Lhalstrom|Logan Halstrom]] ==[[User:Noh2|Nathan Hawk's]]<Peer Evaluation== '''1. Who do you feel is the target audience for the writing in this document? Suggest a change if you think the writing is not appropriate for this audience.''' People who are interested in cutting down on the use of bottled water for the sake of the environment '''2. Is the information presented easy to navigate? Can you find the necessary information easily? How would you improve the layout?'''  The info that is there is easy to navigate but I would like to see more information about the subject. Adding some additional sections would be great  '''3. Are headings used successfully? Are enough headings used? If so, are they specific enough? Are the headings in logical order? If not, would the document be easier to follow with more headings? Level two headings? If so, suggest some headings.''' The headings are used successfully but again I would like to see more. Add a few more headings if possible. Your page has good logical order. The paragraphs could be more specific by adding details to some of the material such as; dangers of plastic bottles and details on the hydration systems that will be used  '''4. Is there a clear topic sentence for each paragraph? Do all following sentences relate to that topic sentence? How could topic sentences of the paragraphs be improved? Suggest improvements for specific paragraphs.  Topic sentences are clear and the sentences seem to relate to the topic sentences quite well. Paragraphs can be improved by finding additional information to add to them.  '''5. Is the writing objective? Remember this is a technical communication. Make suggestions to avoid bias or opinion in sentences. (For example: eliminate adjectives/adverbs: very, many, large, etc)''' I found two bias opinions that you may or may not want to change.Ex. “..most exciting is..”(future incentives/paragraph 1)Ex. “gain more knowledge” (future incentives/paragraph 1)    '''6. Is each figure or photograph easy to understand? How could the figures be improved? Can you suggest another figure presents the information in a clearer manner? Photographs aren’t really easy to understand because there is no info to go with the pics. If you add a text box under each picture it will become clearer what they are about.  '''7. Does the writer refer to the figure(s) in the text using figure numbers? Is each figure well described in the text and are the sources cited? Do the figures have captions? Make suggestions to better incorporate figures.''' No there is no text as stated before. Add the things in question to the left, and what I mentioned above for full credit on your pictures.  '''8. If this is a RCEA page have the writers clearly presented the bottom line (predicted money and carbon dioxide emissions saved versus actual money and carbon dioxide emissions saved) in a table or graphical format? Suggest improvements to make this comparison easier for the reader to understand.''' N/A  '''9. Are there any questions you have about the topic that are not addressed? Are the sources of the information clearly presented under “References”?''' What does HEIF stand for?What are the dangers of plastic bottles?What are some different types of hydration systems that can be used in association with your page?   '''10. Does the author provide links to related sites? Are there enough or too many? Are they technical enough or too technical for the audience of the document? Is the relevance of each site clear? Is there a summary of references?''' There is only one link at the bottom of your page and the one that is there does not reveal a clear site. By your final draft I would suggest at least three… Yes there is a summary of references.  '''11. Is the document too long or short? (It should be between 2-3 pages). If it is too long, what should be taken out? If it is too short what remains to be addressed?''' The document seems to be a little short. If you add some of the subjects I listed above your page should gain proper length.  '''12. Does the page have the “ENGR 115: In Progress” banner? Does the page have the correct categories (ENGR 115 and RCEA if applicable) at the end of page?''' Yes  '''13. List the strengths of document''' I liked the headers that you added; they explain your paragraphs accurately. I also liked how you added the different ways students at HSU are getting involved to raise awareness about “take back the tap”     '''14. List areas for improvement''' In some parts of your page it sounds like your giving information to an array of people and in other parts is seems like you are just talking to me. I would stick to one or the other. Some of your page has bad grammar, I would have someone who is well knowledgably in English to look over your page and make the appropriate corrections.  '''15. Overall comments''' I like the subject you picked, I think it is an important subject when it come to eliminate the use of plastic bottles. With a little bit of effort to create a final draft this will be an awesome page. Peer Evaluation performed by [[User:Noh2|Nathan Hawk]]<br><br>
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