While state laws have little consistency in their definition of bullying, the accepted definition by many mental health professionals is physical or verbal aggression that is repeated over a period of time and involves an imbalance of power. It is further characterized by the bully repeatedly using the higher social status they have over the victim to exert power and to hurt the victim. When the harassment, name calling, gossiping, rumor spreading, threats, or other forms of intimidation expand from being done in person or by phone to the use of emails, chat rooms, blogs, or other social media over the Internet, it is referred to as cyber bullying or online bullying. In contrast, meanness does not involve an imbalance of power. In other words, meanness involves hurtful behaviors between people that are equals, in social standing and otherwise. Bullying is usually thought of as taking place between children at school. However, it can also occur at work and include behaviors like verbal abuse, sabotaging the victim's job or work relationship, or misusing authority. Adult bullies who engage in these behaviors are males 60% of the time. While men who bully tend to victimize both genders equally, women bullies target other women about 80% of the time. Bullying is thought to be the result of the bully's need to get and keep control over someone else. The aggression that is involved in bullying is thought to interfere with the empathy needed to refrain from bullying others. The aggression is described as being of two different types: proactive aggression and reactive aggression. Proactive aggression is described as being organized, emotionally detached, and driven by the desire for a reward. Reactive aggression is defined as impulsive, in response to a perceived threat or precipitant, and usually associated with intense emotion, especially anxiety or anger. Contrary to the stereotype of the bully who is socially inept trying to make him or herself feel better, bullies who have never been the victim of bullying have been found to have rather high self-esteem and to be social climbers. Child and adult bullies have a tendency to have low tolerance for frustration, trouble empathizing with others, and a tendency to view innocuous behaviors by their victims as being provocative. Many non-victimized bullies are thought of as bi-strategic controllers, using both pro-social actions (for example, likeability and popularity) and negative actions (for example, intimidating or coercing others) to engage in these hurtful behaviors toward others. Bullies who have been the victim of bullying themselves (bully/victims) tend to be more aggressive than bullies who have never been a victim of bullying. They tend to be less popular, more often bullied by their siblings, be otherwise abuse or neglected, and to come from families of low socioeconomic status. Bystanders of bullying, those who witness it but are neither the primary bully nor the victim, tend to succumb to what they believe is peer pressure to support bullying behavior and fear of becoming the victim of the bully if they don't support the behavior. Further, bystanders are at risk for engaging in bullying themselves if they encourage the bullying by paying attention to the behavior or laughing about it. Risk factors for being the victim of bullying include having low understanding of emotional or social interactions, a tendency to become upset easily, or already suffering from anxiety or depression. Actual or perceived obesity of the victim is also a risk factor. Being underweight is slightly associated with being bullied. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender youth are more often victims of bullying compared to their heterosexual counterparts. Children who have disabilities or are immigrants or highly achieving minorities are more vulnerable to being bullied, as well Signs that may indicate that a child may be being bullied include missing belongings, unexplained injuries, and a limited number of friends. Symptoms experienced by victims of bullying may be physical, emotional, and behavioral. Examples of physical symptoms include those often associated with stress, like headaches, stomachaches, changes in appetite, bedwetting, dizziness, and general aches and pains. Psychological symptoms often include irritability, anxiety, sadness, trouble sleeping, frequent nightmares, tiredness in the mornings, loneliness, helplessness, and feeling isolated. Victims of bullying may exhibit behavioral symptoms as well, like avoiding social situations, getting to school or work late, taking off more days, or even trying to retaliate against their tormentors. Their grades may decline and they may become self-destructive (for example, run away from home, hurting themselves or contemplating suicide). Advice for parents who think their child is bullying others includes talking to their child to share the details of the actions of which they have been accused and listening to their side of what happened, holding your child fully and fairly accountable for their actions, spending more time with him or her, monitoring their activities, and supervising them appropriately. Other tips for parents whose children are bullying others include staying in close touch with the school to monitor for any further incidents and encouraging your child to engage in positive social activities with positive role models. All bullies may benefit from being given socially appropriate ways to express their aggression (for example, through martial arts, writing, or other supervised group activities). Those who were formerly victims of bullying may experience a decrease in bullying behavior when their life is improved through protecting them from adverse experiences, including abuse or neglect. Bullies who exhibit sufficient symptoms to qualify for a mental health diagnosis should receive treatment accordingly. Effective bullying prevention programs at school tend to be school-wide and involve education of students, teachers, administrators, and parents on what bullying is and the extent to which it is harmful for all involved, understanding how others may view victims, and how to get help. Yearly surveys of kids can help maintain awareness of how severe the bullying problem is in a school. Just informing the parents of bullying victims tends to improve the victim child's quality of life. Successful anti-bullying programs increase playground supervision, provide clear consequences for bullying, and teach students who are bystanders to bullying how to stand up for victims so that bullying behavior gains a stigma rather than being socially beneficial. Workplace interventions that tend to be effective are similar to those in school, in that the interventions are implemented throughout the workplace. Coworkers and supervisors are encouraged to address each other by name and with respect, fully participate in required tasks, and avoid gossiping about each other or excluding anyone from conversation. Interventions that have not consistently been found to be helpful in preventing or decreasing bullying include having the bully and victim try to work out their differences in front of a teacher or counselor at school, a supervisor, or human resources staff at work. Rigid rather than firm no tolerance for bullying policies tend to result in overreactions to behaviors that do not constitute bullying. Telling students above the elementary school level to report bullying may lead to increased bullying. Teachers or work supervisors who either directly or indirectly either intimidate other kids themselves or tolerate such behaviors are an obstacle to implementing an effective anti-bullying school program.
Since low self-esteem tends to be a risk factor for becoming the victim of bullying, interventions that promote confidence and self-esteem are important ways to reduce the risk of being bullied. Confidence builders can range from engaging in activities at which the person excels (for example, theatrical performances, sports teams, and special work projects) to engaging in psychotherapy. As isolation is both a risk factor and result of bullying, helping the person feel less alone by lending a listening ear and/or engaging in a support group can go a long way toward providing the community needed to prevent a person from being bullied.