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Dying Inside

By: Charisse Araneta

We all feel down sometimes. It can last for a week or so without affecting our lives too much. Sometimes there’s a reason, sometimes not. But with depression, your feelings go on for weeks and months and they do interfere with your life. Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure, but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends, but hate socializing. It’s wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely. It’s feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb. Depression is being colorblind and constantly told how colorful the world is. When you’re depressed you don’t control your thoughts, your thoughts control you. People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. What people never understand is that depression isn’t about the outside; it’s about the inside. Being numb to emotions, being numb to life. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again. Depression is like a bruise that never goes away. A bruise in your mind. You just got to be careful not to touch it where it hurts. It’s always there though. Depression exist without you knowing it, even denying it. It is not an illusion. You don’t even know you’re in it. It takes a while before you realize it.

What does it feel like?

Depression has many symptoms and you’re unlikely to feel them all. It can make you unhappy most of the time. You might struggle to cope, lose interest in life and feel like you no longer really enjoy anything. Depression can also affect your self-confidence, making you feel hopeless and inadequate. You may find yourself avoiding social situations. It can also affect your sleep. You might find it hard to get to sleep and feel utterly tired all the time. At depression’s worst, you may even think of suicide. When you suffer from depression “I’m tired” means a permanent state of exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix. When you’re depressed you don’t control your thoughts, your thoughts control you. For example; Behaviour: not going out anymore, not getting things done at work/school, withdrawing from close family and friends, relying on alcohol and sedatives, not doing usual enjoyable activities, unable to concentrate. Feelings: overwhelmed, guilty, irritable, frustrated, lacking in confidence, unhappy, indecisive, disappointed, miserable, sad. Thoughts: 'I’m a failure.' 'It’s my fault.' 'Nothing good ever happens to me.' 'I’m worthless.' 'Life’s not worth living.' 'People would be better off without me.' Physical: tired all the time, sick and run down, headaches and muscle pains, churning gut, sleep problems, loss or change of appetite, significant weight loss or gain. And these are some of the samples when you feel depression; 1. Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. 2. Loss of interest in daily activities. 3. Appetite or weight changes. 4. Sleep changes. 5. Anger or irritability. 6. Loss of energy. 7. Self-loathing. 8. Reckless behavior. 9. Concentration problems. 10. Unexplained aches and pains. You don’t understand depression until you can’t stand your own presence in an empty room.

Helping Yourself

When you’re depressed, it can feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. But there are many things you can do to lift and stabilize your mood. The key is to start with a few small goals and slowly build from there, trying to do a little more each day. Feeling better takes time, but you can get there by making positive choices for yourself. Luckily there are steps you can take to lift yourself out of depression. It can be incredibly to talk about your feelings with your close friend or family member. You may find you need to do this more than once as part of the healing process. If you know what’s behind your depression, try tackling it. Write down your problems, then make a list of solutions and pick the best. Keep active. Get out of doors for some exercise, even if it’s just a walk. If you don’t feel up to it, try housework and day-to-day task. Keeping active will help you sleep. If sleep’s a struggle, relax by watching television or listening to music. It may help you feel less anxious and help you get some sleep. Depression can ruin your appetite or cause you to overeat. Try to eat three times a day, making sure you get plenty of fruit and vegetables. Don’t drown your sorrows with drink. If you can overcome it by yourself, then that will give you a feeling of achievement and confidence to tackle such feelings again if you feel low in the future. However, if the depression is severe or goes on for a long time, it may stop you from being able to work and enjoy life.

When should you seek help?

Therapy with anyone from a guidance counselor to a certified therapist can work wonders, and many may prefer therapy over the medication route. Situational depression especially can be relieved by having a way to get everything off your chest and receive practical advice. It’s normal to feel depressed after a distressing event. But you can get stuck in a depressed mood that doesn’t seem to lift. You need to seek help if your feelings are worse than usual and don’t seem to get any better. If depression affects your works, interest and feelings towards your friends and family, if you start to feel life’s not worth living or that people would be better off without you; you need to talk to your Guidance Counselor.

What help is available?

Depending on your situation, your doctor may suggest ways of helping yourself, talking treatments or antidepressants. Talking treatments can help you get things off your chest and tackle unhelpful thinking patterns. If your depression is severe or long running, antidepressants can help you to feel and cope better. Whatever you decide, remember lots of people have had depression. You will eventually come out of it, perhaps even stronger and able to make important changes in your life.